Fish out of water Heather Y

Heather Y published this post on 11 June, 2011...

It’s a funny thing, this moving house lark. One minute I’m a sociable person, struggling to find the time to see all my different friends, and the next I’m a loner, whose only local friend is my husband, and who might not have an adult conversation with anyone else for days at a time. Takes a bit of getting your head round, if I’m honest. It’s rather surreal.

We arrived here and immediately I threw myself into the challenge of making friends and trying to replace that amazing support group I’d built up around me in south east London. But it’s been hard, and it definitely takes its toll on your confidence and self- esteem. I’m that woman in the playground or at the singing session at the library, trying to catch the other mum’s eye. I’m the person chatting away to the children’s centre manager because I’m desperate for some adult conversation.

And when I do make a contact, I’m trying to tread that delicate line between making enough of an effort, but not appearing too offputtingly needy. It feels a bit like throwing myself back into the world of dating. Trying to make plenty of contacts in the hope that one might pay off, constantly going through conversations in my head, wondering if I was funny enough, friendly enough, asked enough questions, didn’t talk about the kids too much.

My rules in this friend dating game are as follows:

• Don’t judge a book by its cover and discount anyone based on first impression. I don’t want people to do this to me, so I shall afford them the same respect.


• Give some thought to how you come across. My uniform of tatty ripped denim skirt and black vest tops might be comfortable, but to some it might not give the best impression. Try to find a balance between maintaining your individuality and not sticking out like a sore thumb. This is only short-term until you’re feeling more settled and self-confident. (Note to self: return those patterned trousers you bought on the recommendation of Grazia).


• Do everything more than once before making a decision. Groups always feel uncomfortable the first time. You’ve got to stick with it for a few visits and see if they get more bearable, and eventually you might look forward to them!


• When adding a new contact to your phonebook include a note of their child/children’s name(s) and maybe where you met them to jog your memory, or they’ll get swallowed into your address book never to be seen again. Desperately scrolling through your phone’s contacts when you see someone whose name you really should remember on the other side of the playground is stressful and almost impossible when trying to herd two toddlers at the same time.


• Don’t overload yourself. The initial feelings of loneliness may mean you rush at a hundred miles an hour to try to meet people, but you’re best off taking it slow or you’ll feel overwhelmed and depressed.


• Try to plan something, however small for every day of the week. Breaking up that expanse of days is half the battle of getting through them.


• Enjoy the company of the small people you’ve chosen to spend your time with. They are highly entertaining an often very affectionate, and they constantly push you to try new things. So don’t take them for granted.


• Try not to eat raw onions in your salads at lunchtime. If the smell of your breath scares even yourself, it’s not going to be conducive to forming enduring friendships.

Click here to subscribe to Young and Younger's RSS feed so that you don't miss a post.

Options

• Like
• Share
• Favourite

• Facebook
• Twitter
• Permalink