Josie at Sleep is for the Weak published this post on 30 May, 2011...
…it’s the way you think. That’s your purpose. It’s never been about what work you choose, what gifts you develop, or what niche you fill – let these be for your pleasure.
Think as only you can think, which will lead to feelings that only you can feel, from which connections will be made, lives will be changed, and worlds will come tumbling into existence.
- a Note from the Universe, April 2011
There hasn’t been an awful lot of blogging going on here late. In part it’s just because I’ve been bloody knackered – Fibro is officially in relapse (ouch) and Kai is struggling (wail), but that can wait til another time.
One good thing to come from shutting up a bit is that it’s helped give me space to think. So thinking I have been, and knitting, too, as they go well together, helping, as it does, to turn great tangles of thought into something with more order and clarity, row by row. It’s like magic. There is even the beginnings of a something taking shape in my head. I wouldn’t say ‘a plan’, but it’s a something. Something to be incubated, anyway. We’ll see – it’s going to take a bit more knitting, yet, and a heavy dose of courage, too.
Anyway. I have come to realise that the biggest challenge facing me isn’t financial, it isn’t making the ‘right’ choice for a career or a way to make money, it isn’t about’making’ myself a future, or being better at anything.
It’s just about being brave, about being bold enough to be myself. It’s about letting the way that I think, the way I am programmed to feel and see the world, it’s just about finding ways to let that out. It’s about, more than anything, about NOT being THAT person – the one that always says “I wish…” or “I wish I had the courage to…”, about having a life NOT made up endless excuses and reasons not to do the things that make you happy. I’m beginning to think that setting off with your head held high, in a direction you choose, even if it turns out to be the most hopelessly stupid decision you’ve ever made, is ALWAYS better, than being that person forever stuck at a crossroads, taking a couple of steps forward then turning back out of worry and fear. Generally it’s not the people that succeed that we admire most, it’s the people that try, well, they’re the people I admire most, anyway.
It IS just about courage, basically. And if it sounds like I’m making it out to be easy, just some state of mind that you can switch on and off you go, then you’d be wrong. Because I’m fucking terrified, actually, and still not sure how to find the confidence to be who I want to be.
This year I’m on a quest to find my courage. I have heart and brains in abundance but I think it’s courage I need now.
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