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I've got to be selfish to survive Heather Y

From
April 19, 2011

Heather published this post on 15 April, 2011...

I forgot your birthday, failed to send you a card, missed posting a birthday message on your facebook wall, and didn’t make your birthday drinks?

I’m sorry, I’ve got to be selfish to survive.

You’ve made the effort to come to visit and I’ve got no food in, I’ve run out of coffee and the house is filthy?

I’m sorry, I’ve got to be selfish to survive.

We had plans to meet up, and I’ve just phoned/texted/emailed you with less than 24 hours to go to cancel?

I’m sorry, I’ve got to be selfish to survive.

I promised you I’d design you a poster, help with your fundraising, set up a website, and I didn’t deliver?

I’m sorry, I’ve got to be selfish to survive.

I haven’t seen you for ages, and keep promising to call to fix a time to meet up?

I’m sorry, I’ve got to be selfish to survive.

You’re going through a really tough time, or planning something incredible like a wedding, and I’m not there to offer support or share your excitement?

I’m sorry, I’ve got to be selfish to survive.

I owe you a blog post, a review, a vlog, a reply to your email or I haven’t commented on your blog for months ?

I’m sorry, I’ve got to be selfish to survive.

Because right now, I’m drowning. I’m spiralling downwards fast, and I can’t get back up for air. The last six months (or more) have been relentless and they’ve taken their toll. I may have survived the first year with twins, but the second year is just as hard, in different ways. The physical and mental demands of two toddlers are exhausting.

I’m supposed to be ‘back to reality’, out of that first year’s fog, but I feel like I made it halfway and got stuck. Because although I got myself back to work and organised childcare, and planned my days with the kids, I failed somewhere along the line to make time for myself. And now I’m paying the price for that.

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