It's A Mummy's Life published this post on 29 March, 2011...
A very good friend of mine had a baby last week. A gorgeous baby girl, perfect and beautiful. Her mum is rather lovely too so it's only fitting. Since I am almost constantly sitting on the fence between incurably broody and don't be so bloody ridiculous I don't want any more children, I took the opportunity to visit only a week after the little lady made her entrance, via the sunroof.
In fact my friend had only been back from hospital for about 2 days. Never one to hang back me.
I was reminded of the insane onslaught of sleep deprivation and brutal awakening one experiences when a new baby enters our world. It's wonderful and terrifying, incredible and hardcore. It's many oxymorons that I could continue to write but I think if you've had a baby you'll have your own set of contradictions for the way you felt when you first realised that this little thing was here to stay and was in your life FOR EVER. There's no return label, no instruction manual and no getting away from the fact that you are a mother and life will never be the same.
For many the fear is tempered with an inordinate amount of ecstatic joy at your creation, the maternal instinct floods in like water through a broken dam, life is just bloody wonderful. But for others the ecstasy is tempered with the realisation that things have most definitely changed, sleep is something you will never take for granted again and the idea of an uninterrupted shower or cup of coffee is equivalent to a hit of Columbia's finest to a skinny celebrity super model.
I was reminded of this when I saw my friend, despite her obvious joy and the way she seemed to take it all in her stride (something I never managed) the lack of control one has over a baby's sleeping patterns in the first weeks was something of a concern. And as well it might be. Because I remembered the fact that you just have to keep feeding them, you have to comfort them and until you discover the wonderful creation that some VERY clever person came up with called a Dummy (the new mum's best friend) you are on call 24/7 with no let up whatsoever. And no matter how understanding your partner is you are still on alert all the time because it's your baby and you develop a sixth sense to it's breathing, it's coughs, wheezes not to mention it's bottom and the results thereof.
An obsession of that nature is pretty intense, it tends to occupy every thought in your head. And yet here I am almost 2 years on from my last baby and I was surprised at how much I had forgotten. At the time I would know precisely how many hours, minutes and seconds old my child was but asked to remember when I started to bottle feed or when I first expressed all I can come up with is 'oh about a few weeks maybe or maybe closer to 8. Not sure really." But the point is when you are in the first weeks of seriously hardcore adjustment you want to know precisely how long it will take until you get 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Actually having said that with Eliza's behaviour lately I've been wondering this all over again.
You know what though. When I had Tilly and certainly when I had Eliza I didn't read blogs I didn't even know about Twitter. But now there is so much information from REAL people, real mums who've been through every imaginable experience and have found out in their own ways how to cope and are willing to share all this for nothing. It's the most incredible resource really.
So to any new mums who may be reading this blog, I urge you to read a few more - start with the mummy blogs in my blogroll they are all excellent. Free, useful and practical information. Definitely the best kind.
Oh and take heart, that baby who cries all night, who wants to suck you dry and seems to need CONSTANT attention will grow up very fast and then become a toddler who cries less of the night, sucks you dry mentally and still wants constant attention. But that's okay because you can talk to them and have a laugh with them and play and bake cakes and paint and draw and make robots out of egg boxes.
And actually the conversations with toddlers are absolutely the best and most enlightening parenting moments I have had so far. Nothing beats a surreal chat with Eliza. She is the most entertaining little person and just think only 3 short years ago I was standing in my bedroom in my milk hardened t-shirt, boobs leaking, perineum blindingly painful, tears streaming down my face rocking her and willing her to just go to sleep for even a few minutes. Those early weeks and months are over before you know it and in some funny way you may even long for that intense connection you experienced again.
So there you have it a quick visit down memory lane. Feels good once in a while.
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