Heather published this post on 7 March, 2011...
Another good friend announced her second pregnancy last weekend. There’s something in the water it would seem, and the second child gang just keeps on growing. While I truly am over the moon for everyone, and love sharing in their excitement (and obviously getting lots of cuddles with their newborns), it does stir up some mixed emotions for me.
You see, broody as I may be, I’m not sure if it’s something I’ll ever act on again. But it’s something that I can’t put out of my mind, something that’s always there, knawing at me. Stopping me giving away all the baby clothes.
How do you know when your family is complete?
A very common response I get from people when I tell them I have boy girl twins, is, ‘Lucky you, you’ve got it all done in one go.’ But that’s not how I see it. Instead, there’s a part of me that feels deprived of my chance at having the experience a second time round. The suggestion of ‘getting it over and done with in one go’ implies that the experience is negative, something to be endured. It says nothing of the incredible joy you feel watching a child grow, the overwhelming, somethings suffocating, love you feel for that child, and bond that you build between the two of you. It’s something really magical, that makes up for all the sleepless nights and low moments.
Writing that, you’d think my decision would be easy, wouldn’t you? That trying again is a sure thing. But then I think about the odds of a second set of twins. I’ve been told various statistics – one in 14, one in 10 and one in eight – and they all terrify me. Amazing as Ez and Fonz are (and I wouldn’t change them for the universe), I just don’t think I could go through it a second time. Because that first year was so tough. It very nearly broke me. There have been extreme highs, but there have also been extreme lows.
And from a practical point of view, having four children would change our lives dramatically. We wouldn’t fit in a standard car. We’d probably need to move house. We’d be skint. Forever!
Selfish as it may sound, what I really, really want to have is what I feel like I missed out on the first time around. I want the chance to focus on one baby. To give that one baby everything I can. To feed one baby. To comfort one baby. Not to have to ration myself between two babies, not to have the constant feelings of guilt that one is getting more than the other. Not to have two babies screaming for my attention and to have to make the impossible, gut-wrenching choice of which one to go to first.
So once more – how do you know when your family’s complete? How do you really know? When is it time to put those baby clothes away for good?
Click here to visit Heather's blog, Young and Younger.
Join in the discussion on iMama.tv - click here to see what others are saying about how to know when the time is right.
Heather has also vlogged about her broodiness. Click here to view her video.
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