Hannah/Muddling published this post on February 21, 2011...
There have been times over the last year when I never thought I would be able to post this but incredibly, after 16 months, it appears that Littler has started to wean herself.
And to sleep!
Just in time too with the prospect of the girls having a mini holiday to my parents next week. Can’t describe how relieved I am that she has finally stopped getting up two or three times in the night every night.
But how to describe how I feel about her weaning?
Its not as simple as it should be.
Part of me is relieved that for the first time in three and a half years I’ll not be pregnant or breastfeeding or both. I could use a break.
But another part of me is going to miss the closeness of the breastfeeding relationship. The unique thing that I’ve been able to do for her that nobody else can.
I should be feeling proud that my continuing to breastfeed her has done an awful lot to help her with her allergies and helped her grow into such a healthy, happy child (wanted to say baby but there’s no way that she can be described as a baby any more now she’s on the move and talking…).
I’m immensely relieved that I am not going to be pumping! And yet I’ve got a weird feeling that I’m going to miss that pump and the fact that at least by using it I was still feeding her.
I also feel a bit sad that its all over. A bit regretful that by introducing her to the bottles of oat milk we’ve got to a place where I’m not needed by her in the same way any more.
I guess this is the first big step that we’re taking for her to be independent of me. For the last 16 months I’ve been pivotal to her and now that’s no longer the case. Which does make me really quite sad.
Interestingly this all coincides with her calling everyone, including me, Daddy – I’ve always been Mummy or the sign for milk….
I guess its a strange combination of regret and relief.
At least this time we are stopping because she wants to – with Bigger it was different and more poignant. At this is what she wants and yes, it is hard to accept that she doesn’t want me.
I’m not drawing a line under the breastfeeding relationship, perhaps she will still want the occasional feed but for now, she appears to want to play peekaboo with my boobs rather than nurse.
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