Hannah/MuddlingAlong published this post on 3 December...
Oh Erica Jong, how sad that you feel the need to attack attachment parenting based mostly on your own misperceptions of what it is and the guilt you freely admit to feeling for having left your child whilst you went out of pursue your career.
What bugs me most is that everyone, Erica included, continues to hold onto the line that you cannot be out there, earning a wage, following a career and still be an attachment parent.
What they seem to think attachment parenting is, is some kind of strange the ‘child is always right’ craziness rather than actually it just being a mindset that says that in the very early day the child’s needs do come first and that gradually, working at their pace, understanding their need for comfort and security, you create structure and discipline.
Yes, discipline. In fact some of the attachment parents I know are the strictest I’ve seen – they know their child and know exactly what they can be expected to do (and not do) and also understand the value of a framework of right and wrong around which a child can feel secure.
But back to work and attachment parenting.
I guess that most people would assume that you cannot leave your child with another person and still be attached.
Really?
Not even if you’ve managed to find a caregiver who is equally loving, understanding and there for them? All you are doing is introducing them to the concept that there is a wide circle of people who love them and care for them. What’s wrong in that? What’s to make you feel guilty?
And where did anyone suggest that attachment parenting had to mean you, the parent, being there entirely for them.
But you know what, even though attachment parenting is what feels most natural to me*, the big thing is that co-sleeping, breastfeeding and doing things at their pace actually meant my life was a little easier.
Co-sleeping meant I slept more (far easier to roll over and cuddle than have to get out of bed and into the cold – brrrrrrrr), breastfeeding ditto (again far easier to roll over and transfer to the other boob than to get out of bed and make up a bottle) and not fussing about potty training, puree making or progress charts meant I could, mostly, relax and enjoy my babies.
For me parenting is about giving my child roots and wings – security but also freedom and independence.
For me, parenting is about teaching my child that I am there for them, not about teaching them that if they scream in the night I will not come.
For me if they cry, it is for a reason, not because I am making a rod for my own back.
For me its about remembering that evolution gave children only a few tools to ensure their survival and that we are not a long way from a time when wild beasties would have made off with them if they strayed too far from their parents.
For me it is most certainly not a prison.
*I admit it, I have had major wobbles, like when Littler refused to sleep or to settle without me and threw the biggest strop ever – yes I admit I considered controlled crying, leaving her in her cot, but then realised it didn’t feel right for me – the right end place, just the wrong route to get there.
For me great reading, click here to visit Hannah/MuddlingAlong's blog, Muddling Along Mummy.
See moreBack to All Best Blogs articles
