Heather at Young and Younger published this post on 13 August, 2011...
Parenting twin toddlers is hard work, mentally and physically. As all parents of toddlers know, toddler behaviour can be frustrating and challenging. Toddlers can be a real joy, and my two make me laugh more than anything else in the world, but they are often right little buggers, too.
A while ago I wrote about how Ben and I were looking to find a parenting approach that suits both of us. I wish I could say that I had read a couple of books which gave me the magic answers, and that now we’re cruising through the trials and tribulations of toddlerdom without any stress. But that would be a big, fat lie. And I’m pretty sure lying is one of those behaviours that isn’t to be encouraged.
The truth is, we’re struggling once more to find a common approach to discipline and behaviour. Once again, Ben is falling into the ‘bad cop’ role, adopting a stricter approach than I feel comfortable with. And so I wince, as he deals with yet another tantrum in his own way and I hide away in another room, wondering how we can find a path that both of us feel comfortable with.
Being parents of twins has brought us closer together so far, as we relied so greatly on each other’s support in that tough first year and beyond. I’ve written about how active a role Ben plays as a parent, and it’s been wonderful, but now we’re into the toddler years, I’m wondering whether this harmony is set to continue. Can we find a way to agree, because without presenting a united front, we’re doomed to fail.
Ben’s natural instinct is to punish bad behaviour with time on the naughty step. My natural instinct goes against the use of the naughty step. Ben likes to look at behaviour in black and white – right and wrong. I’m more into the shades of grey.
I fully believe in the mantra, ‘reward good behaviour, ignore the bad’. But this presents its own challenges when you have twins, because often the bad behaviour involves violence against one of the siblings, so you can’t ignore it, you have to step in and intervene. But what form should this intervention take? And how do you impose it?
Right now, these are the questions keeping me awake at night.
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